After 2 ½ years never missing a week, it’s been weird being on over a 2 month long hiatus from writing this newsletter.

So if this is your first Habit Example since subscribing, welcome in! Glad you’re here 🙂 

If you’ve been reading since the beginning, thanks for sticking around.

I wrote this while eating Cheerios with my two boys.

Hope you enjoy today’s Habit Example!:

This morning I woke up next to my wife for the 2,923rd time.

8 years married.

Moved 8 times.

Visited 8 countries together.

20+ states.

Had 3 (nearly 4) kids.

Countless tears. Numberless laughs.

Priceless memories.

But here’s 8 lessons I’ve learned I’m still learning every day.

1. Do dishes more than you think you should do the dishes.
There’s no scoreboard. There’s no trophy. But somehow, one extra sink-load of dishes can make the whole house feel more peaceful. Especially her heart. This isn’t about soap and sponges. It’s about noticing the invisible load she’s carrying and helping lighten it without being asked.

(full disclosure: some weeks I absolutely suck at this. Other times I’m the dishes champion. Don’t beat yourself up in your progress, but do keep trying)

2. There’s no such thing as a 50/50 marriage.
Some days you’re 80/20. Some days you’re dragging yourself in at 10/90. The magic isn’t in keeping things even or quantifying exactly how much more your spouse “owes your”, it’s in just showing up. Every day. Choosing each other, even when you’re tired, grumpy, or feel like you’re doing more than your “share.” Marriage math is weird like that. But love adds up.

3. Never say the D word.
Even as a joke. Even in a fight. “Divorce” is not a punctuation mark, it’s a wrecking ball. Once it’s spoken, it echoes. We made a rule: it’s off-limits. Because when things get hard (and they will), your words should build a bridge, not burn one.

4. Dance after dinner.
I don’t dance. But I’ll jam out in the kitchen to “Can’t Stop the Feeling” throwing my kids in the air like nobody’s watching. Those 5 minutes of goofy do more for our family than 4 hours of “quality time.” Make room for play. Even when the dishes aren’t done yet.

5. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with them in the room.
Online. At work. On your phone. If your spouse was watching, would you still click, say, or scroll? This isn’t about guilt. It’s about guarding something sacred. If you want deep trust, it starts with tiny invisible choices.

6. Assume the best in each other.
She didn’t forget to text back. She probably got interrupted by a kid climbing the fridge. He didn’t mean that in a rude tone, he just has post-bedtime zombie voice. Marriage goes smoother when you believe the best story, not the worst-case scenario.

7. Talk about what you like and what you don’t (without taking offense).
Feedback is not an attack. Preferences are not criticism. If you can’t say, “Hey, I actually don’t love when we do X,” then resentment starts marinating. And nothing good ever came out of a resentment crockpot. (this is how my wife and I discovered we didn’t *actually* like pot stickers for dinner, despite both suffering through it countless times!)

8. Be aligned in the big things. Don’t sweat the small things.
Shared values. Shared goals. Shared vision. That’s the glue. Whether the towels get folded in thirds or quarters? Not worth a cold war. Know what hills you should die on, and then avoid all the rest like wet socks on a hardwood floor.

My wife and I are lightyears away from anything resembling perfect.

But I know when we strive to do these, things go better.

What would you add to the list?

Hit reply and let me know!

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- Kody

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P.S. These take 3 hours to research, write, and design. It only takes you 3 seconds to share.