❌ You can't do 120%

and it's screwing up your relationships

Hey, its me - Kody 🙂

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If you’re in a relationship, what % do you think you contribute compared to your partner?

(If you’re not in a relationship, answer the same question but in the context of your roommate, team member, or coworker.)

Is your number above 50%?

News flash: that’s impossible. (usually)


In Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Happiness Hypothesis, he cites a 1979 study where couples were asked the same question.

Consistently, each person would say they contributed around 60% of effort into the relationship.


  • chores

  • childcare

  • house projects

  • financial support

  • etc

On average, the couples’ total scores added up to 120%.

An impossible number.

There’s mathematically no way that each person was contributing 60% ish toward the relationship.

So what’s the deal?

As humans, we all think we do more than other people do.

Few things feel as bad as being under-appreciated for your efforts.

So why not assume others do more, or at least the same as you, for a change?

What if you made a point to express your gratitude for even the smallest efforts they make?

Pay attention, and you’ll notice they do more than you thought.

And more thank you’s will probably = more effort on their part.

It’s a win-win 🙂

Where in your life are you potentially overvaluing your work?

Where are you potentially underestimating someone else's?

Text, call, or tell someone thank you in person right now for how hard they’re trying.

Even if they’re not contributing as much as you think they should.

Walks down in a Frozen dress and cheetah headband

“I look like Spiderman”

Thanks for reading!

- Kody

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