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❓ 4 questions Bryan Harris uses to invite authenticity

and how to stop asking crappy questions

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⚡️ Estimated read time: 2 minutes 40 seconds.


How are you doing today?

Sorry, that’s a crappy question.

Know why?

99.97390758% of people just say “good”.

Which most of the time is a straight up LIE.

And even when it’s not, where does it actually get you?

So what could you ask instead?

Bryan Harris has exactly 4 questions up his sleeve ready to invite authenticity at a moment’s notice.

He’s got to - between being a husband, father, and CEO of an Inc. 500 company, authentic conversations are the bedrock of his life.

So here they are:

Question 1: How’s your heart?

Now before you cringe, yes - this question may not be best for everyone.

It’s a bit intimate.

So practice with people you’re close to, like parents, spouse, kids, maybe even a best friend.

As you get comfy with it, maybe dare to ask people slightly outside your inner circle.

Just think, billions of people will live and die without anyone ever asking them something so direct and heartfelt as this question.

So maybe it’s worth the 2 seconds of awkwardness to get it out.

Question 2: What are you excited about?

Love this one.

It’s fun, easy for anyone to answer, and so much more interesting than any stereotypical conversation-starter people use.

Plus, no matter how their day is going, giving someone the opportunity to pick and elaborate on something they’re excited about is bound to leave them in at least a 1% better mood than you found them.

Question 3: What’s been hard lately?

How often have you been going through something and felt like you had no one you could talk to about it?

Maybe you don’t want to inconvenience people.

A “silent sufferer”.

If you’ve ever felt like that, you can sure bet most other people have too.

This question gives permission to open up without feeling like a burden.

Question 4: What’s on your mind right now?

Not too hot, not too cold… it’s juuuuust right.

This question is a solid neutral.

It allows your friend to share heavy or happy things going on in their life, without any pressure to go one way or another.

If you feel like they might be super resistant to the more intimate questions, but still want to leave a door open to share the heavy stuff if they’re ready, this one’s the perfect fit.

At the end of the day,

These 4 questions come with 1 commandment:

Thou shalt not ask that which thou wilt not answer.

AKA, be ready and willing to be equally as vulnerable (or more) in these conversations.

Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.

Brené Brown


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Try it

Pick one of Bryan’s 4 questions, and use it to start a conversation with someone today.

When you do, you could also keep the conversation going with a few of Bryan’s follow up questions:

  1. Tell me more about that?

  2. What do you mean by that?

  3. What about that is fuzzy to you?



🎶 Good day. (song)

🤷‍♂️ Uncertainty is a blessing. (3-min read)

👀 This dude survived 50 hours in the new Apple Vision Pro (YouTube)

📱 Exactly how to make your smartphone a modern dumbphone. (YouTube)

🏔️ Beware the path of least resistance. (Tweet)

⚫️ This dot helps you focus better in one minute. (Tool)

🎨 What do Coolio, Picasso, and Barbara Cartland have in common? (Habit Example from one year ago)



*literally out of nowhere*

My 5-year-old: You know what I’m gonna call you?

You’re a cheesy daddy.

Me: …why?…

Her again: Because you’re just CHEESY.

*leaves in a huff*



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- Kody


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