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- š¤ The 4-way test
š¤ The 4-way test
of the things we think, say or do

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Enjoy todayās Habit Example!
ā”ļø Estimated read time: 2 minutes 37 seconds.
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At a public restroom that overlooks beautiful Lake Coeur dāAlene, thereās a sort of random sign on the wall.
It first caught my eye a few years ago while riding bikes with my family.
Ever since then, itās message has stuck with me:
Before you say or do anything, ask:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Can you imagine what the world would look like if everyone sincerely considered these 3 simple questions before speaking?
Despite what you might think, I donāt think itās an all or nothing filter of what to say or not. Instead, I see it as a simple guide for how to refine what youāre about to say before you say it.
Imagine youāre about to say something thatās both true and necessary, but not kind. Youāve got a chance to fix that if you mentally ask these questions.
Or maybe itās kind, but definitely not true. You might think youāre stuck choosing whether to be honest or kind.
You donāt have to make that choice! And thereās a 20-year study explaining why.
But the funny thing is, I remembered the sign all wrong.
I just found the picture I took of it back in 2022:

So it was 4 questions, not 3.
And I only accurately remembered the first one. š
In spirit and principle, itās the same idea though, right?
One study from the University of Alabama at Birmingham found that while most people ātell the truth consistentlyā, the average person tells anywhere between 0-2 lies per day.
While itās far from the 15+ per day from the āprolific liarsā the study identified, are even 2 lies a day considered acceptable?
On a different note, experts site lack of communication as the culprit for 65% of divorces and 85% of workplace failures.
Clearly thereās a lot more to effective communication than simply whether what youāre saying is true, kind, or necessary.
Or is there?
Try it out this week!
For the next 7 days, make it a habit to regularly ponder and ask yourself either the 3-way test (true/kind/necessary) or the real 4-way test from the sign (true/fair/goodwill/beneficial) before speaking.
Especially if both stakes and emotions are high in a conversation
Then take note of how conversations go differently than youāre used to.
Like any habit, this wonāt feel natural overnight - itāll take conscious effort for a while.
But would you rather continue having the same communication failures you always have, or try something new?
If nothing changes,
nothing changes.
Which do you like better: the 3-way test, or the 4-way one from the sign? Hit reply and let me know!
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What did you think of todayās habit example? |
- Kody
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P.S. These take 5 hours to research, write, and design. It only takes you 5 seconds to share.