👻 The me monster

and how to refocus on others

Nobody likes the guy (or girl) who just blabs on and on about themself, so self-absorbed and oblivious to the rest of the world. Right?

Bryan Regan calls this "the Me Monster".

The first draft of this habit example, that guy was me.

Just check out these numbers:

You probably haven’t consciously noticed, but writing these kinds of “you-focused” final drafts has been a work in progress for the last few months.

Why?

  1. Making things about you is my new favorite thing to do.

  2. There’s mountains of research about the psychological benefits of focusing on others, like less stress, living longer, and feeling better.*

Whether it’s a text, email, or social media post, it’s like playing a game to creatively rework any sentence that comes out starting with “I”.

Whenever possible, I’ll directly swap it with the word “you” and see how to make the sentence work with the shifted focus.

It’s honestly shocking how well it works, and how much it immediately improves your writing.

What’s awesome is it really forces you to consider what you’re saying before you say it, and directs your thoughts toward their point of view.

That can be a game-changer if:

  • You’re in an argument (thinking of their perspective will help you understand better how to respond and resolve the conflict)

  • You want to build friendship or even a romantic relationship (Paradoxically, research shows that when you get others to talk about themselves, it makes them like you more.)

  • You’re trying to persuade or sell (when you focus on them, they feel safer, heard, and more at ease to seriously consider what you’re saying)

At first it might be challenging or feel awkward, but as you practice, you’ll notice how good it feels to focus on the other person (and not sound so conceited 😅)

Obviously the goal isn’t to 100% erase yourself from the dialogue - you might lose important meaning if you do.

But overall, simply striving to focus on the other person through your words will make both of you feel better and communicate more empathetically.

This week as you write texts, emails, social media posts, etc., pause before hitting send for just a second and count how many times you reference yourself.

See how you can rephrase things to be viewed and read through their perspective. Especially try to start more sentences with the word “You”.

Notice how it feels and if it makes any difference…

…then hit reply and tell me how it goes!

*Source: B-Town Blog

When we focus on others,

our world expands.

Daniel Goleman

(sees a helicopter fly overhead)

”Maybe they’re going to Dominos!”🍕

Thanks for reading!

- Kody

P.S. The world feels pretty crazy.. American Authors gets it.